Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.
Let me let you know about this superb lady.
Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.
(No surprise I really like the music of Alan Doyle (and Nice Large Sea), it’s in my DNA!)
Gramma was a preschool trainer for 22 years and has been an lively member in her group for her total life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives over time. She volunteered on the Council on Getting old. She typically drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the previous folks” (as she referred to as it), which she did properly into her 80s!
Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I’d swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my cellphone, typically distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I believe having identified her my total life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has all the time been right here, and Gramma will all the time be right here.”
Thankfully, I stumbled upon an historic Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course appropriate this sample. It allowed all of my current visits with Gramma to be decidedly completely different.
Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会
There’s an idea courting again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s referred to as ichi-go ichi-e:
This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”
It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Regardless of how typically we do one thing or see anyone, it’s the solely time that it’ll actually occur this manner, in this second.
This idea can remind us to be extra current.
- As a substitute of checking our telephones, we are able to give attention to the particular person or job in entrance of us.
- As a substitute of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we will be right here now.
- As a substitute of going by the motions, we generally is a bit extra deliberate with our habits.
I’ve mirrored so much on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (see my essay about Wabi-Sabi), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.
Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer season.
I ended worrying in regards to the future or ruminating on the previous, put my cellphone down, and simply sat along with her.
I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I’d get to have that interplay.
I requested her questions on her childhood. I realized that she spent just a few summers residing in a tent with no operating water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their dwelling together with his personal two fingers. And the way a lot she liked it.
She informed me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and obtained caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her mother and father mattress till the solar got here up.
I realized extra about my grandfather. She even shared pictures of her wedding ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:
She additionally discovered some pictures of me and her from approach again within the day!
This one was my favourite:
I returned to Nashville final month, uncertain when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.
It nonetheless felt completely different. I had related with Gramma extra deeply in just a few visits than I most likely had up to now 10 years mixed.
Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.
Gramma’s Neighborhood
Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.
And every day, a revolving door of company would present as much as examine on her:
Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her greatest buddy. Her buddy Anne. Pals from the Council of Getting old. Fellow quilters. Individuals from her church.
At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the similar time, and it was an absolute social gathering.
I used to be in awe of this lady and what number of lives she has impacted.
If there’s a transparent signal of a life properly lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped the whole lot to return and spend time along with her, swapping tales and protecting her firm.
Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has an incredible humorousness too:
The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and stated, “I remembered one other story!” She then informed me in regards to the time she “borrowed” a automotive, although she didn’t have a license but, to drive by the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.
Whereas speaking on the cellphone along with her 94 12 months previous brother in legislation, she requested “how are ya, you previous geezer?”
When the physician requested “are you feeling higher at the moment?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”
Spending time with Gramma and the entire folks from completely different components of her life felt like the very best use of my time. I’m in love with the group she has round her, and I’m consistently moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.
This level was pushed additional dwelling by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…
Dwell Intentionally
The hospital by which my Gramma is staying is true subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his e book Walden.
At some point, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing by the bushes.
(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s referred to as “komorebi”.)
I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:
“I went to the woods as a result of I needed to dwell intentionally, to entrance solely the important details of life, and see if I couldn’t be taught what it needed to train, and never, after I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”
Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most necessary to him.
Gramma went the opposite path, prioritizing what’s most necessary to her: household, mates, and group.
Two completely different situations, the identical finish outcome:
Selecting to dwell intentionally.
I don’t have plans on shifting into the woods and residing merely, however I do suppose I’ve achieved my greatest to dwell extra intentionally these previous few years.
Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most necessary to me too: mates, household, and group.
All We’ve to Resolve…
A couple of years in the past, Gramma introduced my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.
“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I need to give them to you now in order that we are able to get pleasure from this second collectively.”
She took the time to elucidate the that means behind every quilt and why they have been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, slightly than ready to listen to about these stunning quilts after she handed.
After I visited Gramma this summer season, I found that she had printed my essay about my grandfather, her husband, who had handed away. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means obtained to inform him simply how a lot I realized from him earlier than he died.
For that cause, I’m scripting this essay now to verify she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so pleased with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to be taught from her for 40 years (and counting!).
(I obtained a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and he or she liked it. Mission completed!)
I definitely hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again dwelling. In any case, she informed her buddy Laurie “I’m not achieved but!”
However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to determine.
As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:
“All we now have to determine is what to do with the time that’s given us.”
I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to dwell extra intentionally:
- For those who’re prepared to place your cellphone down and be current with the folks in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
- For those who’re prepared to prioritize what’s really necessary as a substitute of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go fallacious with the alternatives you make.
- If you could find a option to give attention to the necessary folks in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it if you’re 94.
And at last bear in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do at the moment, that is the one time this second will occur.
Act accordingly.
-Steve
PS: If you’d like a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely suggest Wim Wenders’s Excellent Days.
